there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
