Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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