Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
