opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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