Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
