When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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