for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
