So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
