Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
