My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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