He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
