I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
