New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
