I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
