there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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