Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
