I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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