my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
