apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
