got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
