His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
