there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
