I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
