i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
