you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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