I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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