I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
