they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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