the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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