with your own penis?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
it's like iHOP with fire
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
