Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
