I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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