If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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