So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
