You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
