I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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