if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
They have beer where we have blood.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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