So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
