kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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