All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
