Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
