Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Found the puke drawer
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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