that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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