How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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