my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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