is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
