Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
