I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
