This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
