He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
