I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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