why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
