What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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